Skip to main content

Ruler Jokes

We should really draw a line under these funny ruler jokes!

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  June 25th 2022

We don’t mind bad jokes at the Beano, but these ruler jokes will get your class teacher on your (pencil) case and send you to the head i.e. you’ll be centimetre. The whole school will be measurable (miserable) in your absence. Quite frankly, these are the worst ruler jokes EVER and we not even going to tell you the one about the 13 inch ruler… it’s too long!

Why did the ruler meet his mum at the airport?

He was centimetre!

Where can you buy a three foot long ruler?

At a yard sale!

How do you get straight As at school?

Use a ruler!

How do you get straight As at school?

Use a ruler!

I don’t mind jokes about stationery… 

but rulers are where I draw the line.

What happened when they used a ruler to work out what size shoes lion take?

There was some lengthy paws!

How big is your backgarden?

It’s only a yard!

A pug in a grassy garden

How long is a crab?

A couple of pinches!

A crab at Blackpool beach

The ruler did something awful…

But we should draw a line under it!

Mum: Why is there ruler in your bed? 

Kid: To see how long I sleep!

Why is a snail like a 12inch rule?

It’s only got one foot!

How does Thor measure the distance to Valhalla?

With a thundl wheel!

Shopper: Do you keep stationery?

Shopkeeper: Actually, I move around quite a bit!

What did the ruler say to the protractor?

What’s your angle?

How do rulers greets each other?

Pleased to metre!

Did you hear about the spider who climbed up a ruler?

Inchy wincey spider?

Did you hear about the man who invented the 100m ruler?

He went to great lengths!

How do you measure an evil wizard?

With a Snape Measure!

A dog witch

Did you hear about the King of Traffic Wardens?

He was a metre ruler!

The joke police

Did you hear about the 12 inch Prince?

He made a great ruler!